I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
