nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
