I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
