i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
