Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
