He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My breasts were aching with rage.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
