You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
