I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
