This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
