Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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