i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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