So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
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He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
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After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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