halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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