I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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