i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
