LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
