Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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