He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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