this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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