when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
