I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
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