My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
