is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
