Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
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And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
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you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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