You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
