dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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