I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
