apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
