Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
