Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
