bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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