oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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