Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
