he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
