Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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