I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
