It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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