Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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