this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize