I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
