Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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