Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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