Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
