do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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