I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
