After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
