hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
