My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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