Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
