the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
