Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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