our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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