when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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