I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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