I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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