My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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