the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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