why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
