Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
