Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
