Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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