I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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